I'm home from Mexico. It was an amazing trip. People keep asking me how it was and I just stumble to find the words to explain what I experienced for 8 days. I don't know that I can ever accurately describe it. It is truly something that a person needs to experience on their own to understand.
Today I am weepy. I'm not really sure why. My head just seems to be spinning. I have a list of things to do that is a mile long but my heart just isn't in any of them. I feel now more than ever that I need to DO something. I had this thought to write today about my fear and was led towards that even more after my Bible study this morning. I got on the computer to do just that and then had a change of heart and thought I'd share some about my trip. About how I'm weepy today and I can't stop thinking of everything I experienced while I was gone. Then I clicked on a link that took me to a link that brought me to this. I knew then that I'd talk about my fear.
I hate that I'm afraid. I hate that I can't just trust and obey. I think that might be why I'm so weepy. I loved Mexico but it's nice to be home in my warm comfortable bed and showering in a hot shower with water who's streams cover my whole body instead of just a tiny portion at a time. I dreamed last night that my family bought a new house and in fixing it up I just couldn't stop remembering my current house and how much I loved it. I woke up angry that I felt that way. Angry that I cared so much about a stupid house.
Am I the woman in Katie's blog entry? The one who says I wish I could do this but then just goes back home to my warm shower and king size bed and sits and waits for the next opportunity to serve for a short amount of time. I don't want to be her. I want to be the person who does what He asks. What does that look like for a wife and mother? I truly believe that God wants me to adopt. I also believe that He wants me to do more than that and live missionally. How do I be obedient to Him when that affects so many others? When the "others" aren't feeling the same thing I am? When I'm so scared and full of questions that I'm just weepy?
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Wow
I'm typing this from Mexico. Piedras Angular to be exact. I'm here on my first mission trip, which is why I haven't been very vocal here. It takes a lot for me to plan to be away from my family for 8 days.
Years ago when my pastor would talk about mission work I would feel a tug on my heart. Since then, I have continued to feel that tug and realized that I truly felt God was leading me to mission work. When my church started talking about the trip to Mexico in February 2010 I decided I would go. As it got closer I got more nervous. Like, really nervous. The day before I left I was a basket case. I couldn't stop crying. Everything I thought about made me well up with tears. I wondered what I was thinking getting involved in this. I thought I couldn't possibly be away from my family for this length of time. I imagined that there was absolutely nothing that I could contribute to this trip.
Wow.
I'm amazed at everything that I'm feeling. I've made some great new friends. I've experienced living in a completely different way. I've seen people who are just happy to be serving our Lord. I was trusted to operate a nail gun and other power tools that I don't know how to spell. I spent the morning at a school painting a mural followed by time in an orphanage that I will never forget.
Wow. Just...wow.
Years ago when my pastor would talk about mission work I would feel a tug on my heart. Since then, I have continued to feel that tug and realized that I truly felt God was leading me to mission work. When my church started talking about the trip to Mexico in February 2010 I decided I would go. As it got closer I got more nervous. Like, really nervous. The day before I left I was a basket case. I couldn't stop crying. Everything I thought about made me well up with tears. I wondered what I was thinking getting involved in this. I thought I couldn't possibly be away from my family for this length of time. I imagined that there was absolutely nothing that I could contribute to this trip.
Wow.
I'm amazed at everything that I'm feeling. I've made some great new friends. I've experienced living in a completely different way. I've seen people who are just happy to be serving our Lord. I was trusted to operate a nail gun and other power tools that I don't know how to spell. I spent the morning at a school painting a mural followed by time in an orphanage that I will never forget.
Wow. Just...wow.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Praying for Haitian orphans
Did you know that to adopt a child from Haiti it takes a really long time? As in, about a year to get a referral and then an ADDITIONAL 2-3 years of waiting to bring that child home. Wow. No kidding. Way to make it so NOT easy to save those children.
That of course is pre-earth quake. At this point it's going to be next to impossible. Trying to determine whether or not a child is in fact an orphan will be quite a task. There are children who have been referred to families in America who will be "expedited" through. This article talks about how these children will get home...
Press Release
(Port-au-Prince, Haiti) On January 20, 2010, 133 orphans from the Maison des Enfants de Dieu (Children of the House of God) orphanage will begin the difficult process outlined by the U.S. Department of State for humanitarian parole and onward transportation to the United States. In accordance with instructions received from the State Department, as relayed by the Joint Council on International Children's Services (JCICS) at 8 p.m. today, orphans along with orphanage staff members have been instructed to arrive at the U.S. Embassy as early as possible on Wednesday morning. JCICS warned that no food, water or facilities would be available for the children while processing at the U.S. Embassy Port-au-Prince.
JCICS further relayed that orphanage requests to the U.S. Embassy for security and transportation for the children have been denied by the State Department. The U.S. ministry associated with this orphanage, For His Glory Adoption Outreach (FHG), was also asked to stop requesting security, transportation or even water at the orphanage location. Following discussions with staff and board members in Port-au-Prince, the difficult decision was made that all 133 children, including approximately 60 children under the age of 3, will begin early in the morning of January 20th to walk the over 2 kilometers to the U.S. Embassy Port-au-Prince. This decision was made due to the limited staff available and the increasingly dangerous security situation at the orphanage in Port-au-Prince. The staff will carry as much water, food and baby formula as possible with them for the orphans while processing at the U.S. Embassy. JCICS relayed that once processing is completed, the orphans will travel to the United States on "cargo jets to locations that are not often known until an hour or so before the flight leaves."
Kim Harmon, President of FHG, acknowledged that "this arrangement is far from ideal for the safety and well-being of the children. We are calling to all who care about these precious children to pray earnestly for their safety tomorrow."
Yeah, they are WALKING to the U.S. Embassy to catch cargo planes who knows when to finally get out. I pray that they've made it safely. That is just one orphanage.
So what about the children who were obviously orphans prior to the disaster? What about those children now? How much longer will they now need to wait to find families, especially since there could be a hold put on adoptions through Haiti? I followed some links and found this. At this point, I wish I were screened and approved as a foster parent. I would gladly foster a child until they could get back to Haiti.
Please pray for these children.
That of course is pre-earth quake. At this point it's going to be next to impossible. Trying to determine whether or not a child is in fact an orphan will be quite a task. There are children who have been referred to families in America who will be "expedited" through. This article talks about how these children will get home...
Press Release
(Port-au-Prince, Haiti) On January 20, 2010, 133 orphans from the Maison des Enfants de Dieu (Children of the House of God) orphanage will begin the difficult process outlined by the U.S. Department of State for humanitarian parole and onward transportation to the United States. In accordance with instructions received from the State Department, as relayed by the Joint Council on International Children's Services (JCICS) at 8 p.m. today, orphans along with orphanage staff members have been instructed to arrive at the U.S. Embassy as early as possible on Wednesday morning. JCICS warned that no food, water or facilities would be available for the children while processing at the U.S. Embassy Port-au-Prince.
JCICS further relayed that orphanage requests to the U.S. Embassy for security and transportation for the children have been denied by the State Department. The U.S. ministry associated with this orphanage, For His Glory Adoption Outreach (FHG), was also asked to stop requesting security, transportation or even water at the orphanage location. Following discussions with staff and board members in Port-au-Prince, the difficult decision was made that all 133 children, including approximately 60 children under the age of 3, will begin early in the morning of January 20th to walk the over 2 kilometers to the U.S. Embassy Port-au-Prince. This decision was made due to the limited staff available and the increasingly dangerous security situation at the orphanage in Port-au-Prince. The staff will carry as much water, food and baby formula as possible with them for the orphans while processing at the U.S. Embassy. JCICS relayed that once processing is completed, the orphans will travel to the United States on "cargo jets to locations that are not often known until an hour or so before the flight leaves."
Kim Harmon, President of FHG, acknowledged that "this arrangement is far from ideal for the safety and well-being of the children. We are calling to all who care about these precious children to pray earnestly for their safety tomorrow."
Yeah, they are WALKING to the U.S. Embassy to catch cargo planes who knows when to finally get out. I pray that they've made it safely. That is just one orphanage.
So what about the children who were obviously orphans prior to the disaster? What about those children now? How much longer will they now need to wait to find families, especially since there could be a hold put on adoptions through Haiti? I followed some links and found this. At this point, I wish I were screened and approved as a foster parent. I would gladly foster a child until they could get back to Haiti.
Please pray for these children.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
wow
Sometimes I think that if I just ignore it then it will go away. Maybe if I just don't pay attention to the echos and whispers then I won't hear them anymore. Sometimes I think I'm wrong. That I'm not interpreting the echos and whispers correctly. There's no way they could mean what I think they mean. Maybe, as someone recently suggested, the things I "see" are God's way of telling me that He's got it covered. He's got it under control. I don't need to help. After all, I am just one measly person. What good could I do?
Then I get a spare minute and head over to Ashley's blog and read this.
wow.
How can I not try to help in some way. Isn't there SOMETHING that I can do?
Then I get a spare minute and head over to Ashley's blog and read this.
wow.
How can I not try to help in some way. Isn't there SOMETHING that I can do?
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Bandwagon
I recently noticed on a friends website a mention of adoption. I sent my friend an email about it and asked if she and her husband were considering adoption. She said they were, that they had been for years and that they were just kind of waiting to see where the Lord led them in that situation. Sounded awfully familiar. One thing she asked though was that I please keep this information to myself because she didn't want people to think that they were just "jumping on the latest bandwagon".
I knew exactly what she meant. How do you go from someone who has never really cared at all to someone who's eyes have been opened to the countless needs of children around the world and NOT have people wonder what on earth has gotten into you. I image when that happens you hear a lot of people mumbling about how you've lost your mind. How maybe you've gotten a wild hair and decided to do something crazy. Or perhaps that other people you know have adopted and you've just jumped on the bandwagon.
I'm not gonna lie, that's been a concern of mine. So much so that I have only shared this blog with a few people. For several months now I have felt that He is calling me to adopt. I've prayed about it. A lot. I shared it with my husband. He's not feeling it. At this point we are both just diligently praying that what ever His will for us, that we both be in line with it. Maybe we'll adopt. Maybe we won't. I'm just excited and anxious at this point to see how He uses me. In the meantime, I started this blog to document my feelings. I've never been a very good communicator and it's often easier for me to work through my thoughts if I write them down. I figured I would share this "secret" blog with a handful of people who I could talk to about it.
One day while on Ashley's blog I noticed that she had added this litle "secret" blog of mine to her blog roll. It was out there for the whole world to see. I kind of panicked at first. I didn't know that I was ready for everyone to hear this information. I got scared. I didn't want to be accused of...jumping on the bandwagon. I thought about asking her to remove the link but ultimately decided that no one would really see it anyway. Right? I mean, did she have readers that would click on that new random link and know it was me? Surely not. Right?
Wrong.
Just before Christmas I got word that someone ran into a friend and said, "So, I guess Brad and Margo are adopting!". Not so much. But, she'd apparently come to my blog from Ashley's. Panic set in again as I realized that people had already seen my blog and there was no hiding it now. Then something crazy happened. I decided it didn't really matter. As much as I'm a people pleaser, the only person that I REALLY have to please is God. And if I'm listening to Him and trying to follow His will for my life and other people think I've completely lost it or jumped on some bandwagon then what does that matter? There are people in the world who aren't free to openly serve my God and here I am concerned about what people might think of me if they knew I believe He is leading me to help orphans in some way? Wow. Selfish much Margo?
I would hope that whoever might run across this blog of mine would take notice that some significant changes are happening to me. That they would remember that who I have been up until this point in my life doesn't have to be who I am for the remainder of my days on this earth. And I pray that at some point years down the road it would be this NEW me that people would think of when they hear my name. Better yet, that they would think of my God and what HE did through me!
Lord, when I stand before You someday may I have much more to show you than the fact that I clung to the balance beam my whole life and played it safe!
I knew exactly what she meant. How do you go from someone who has never really cared at all to someone who's eyes have been opened to the countless needs of children around the world and NOT have people wonder what on earth has gotten into you. I image when that happens you hear a lot of people mumbling about how you've lost your mind. How maybe you've gotten a wild hair and decided to do something crazy. Or perhaps that other people you know have adopted and you've just jumped on the bandwagon.
I'm not gonna lie, that's been a concern of mine. So much so that I have only shared this blog with a few people. For several months now I have felt that He is calling me to adopt. I've prayed about it. A lot. I shared it with my husband. He's not feeling it. At this point we are both just diligently praying that what ever His will for us, that we both be in line with it. Maybe we'll adopt. Maybe we won't. I'm just excited and anxious at this point to see how He uses me. In the meantime, I started this blog to document my feelings. I've never been a very good communicator and it's often easier for me to work through my thoughts if I write them down. I figured I would share this "secret" blog with a handful of people who I could talk to about it.
One day while on Ashley's blog I noticed that she had added this litle "secret" blog of mine to her blog roll. It was out there for the whole world to see. I kind of panicked at first. I didn't know that I was ready for everyone to hear this information. I got scared. I didn't want to be accused of...jumping on the bandwagon. I thought about asking her to remove the link but ultimately decided that no one would really see it anyway. Right? I mean, did she have readers that would click on that new random link and know it was me? Surely not. Right?
Wrong.
Just before Christmas I got word that someone ran into a friend and said, "So, I guess Brad and Margo are adopting!". Not so much. But, she'd apparently come to my blog from Ashley's. Panic set in again as I realized that people had already seen my blog and there was no hiding it now. Then something crazy happened. I decided it didn't really matter. As much as I'm a people pleaser, the only person that I REALLY have to please is God. And if I'm listening to Him and trying to follow His will for my life and other people think I've completely lost it or jumped on some bandwagon then what does that matter? There are people in the world who aren't free to openly serve my God and here I am concerned about what people might think of me if they knew I believe He is leading me to help orphans in some way? Wow. Selfish much Margo?
I would hope that whoever might run across this blog of mine would take notice that some significant changes are happening to me. That they would remember that who I have been up until this point in my life doesn't have to be who I am for the remainder of my days on this earth. And I pray that at some point years down the road it would be this NEW me that people would think of when they hear my name. Better yet, that they would think of my God and what HE did through me!
Lord, when I stand before You someday may I have much more to show you than the fact that I clung to the balance beam my whole life and played it safe!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Still here
This time of the year is so incredibly busy, yet God has continued to echo His desire for me. I continue to pray that Brad will feel as I do. Until then though, I'm at a bit of a stand still. I know that He wouldn't have put this so strongly on my heart if He didn't intend for Brad to be beside me. So until Brad is ready I will just continue to pray and wait. Ugh, waiting. It's hard for me!
Today I had the opportunity to help a single mother with a small foster child by purchasing clothing and shoes for him. I got really weepy standing in the kids clothing department at Wal-Mart trying to find the right thing for this little boy. What started out as an easy task just broke my heart as I thought about this little boy and the fact that he doesn't have a mommy and daddy caring for him. I just wanted to get him some new clothing but the t-shirts stating "Mommy's Angel" and "Daddy's Helper" got me thinking about him and his circumstances. I don't even know this little boy but for me he represents so many children that are without loving families. Children that I've never really thought much about until recently.
This Christmas as we all celebrate surrounded with plenty of gifts and loving families I will be thinking of children around the world who are without so much. Children who desperately need families to care for them.
Today I had the opportunity to help a single mother with a small foster child by purchasing clothing and shoes for him. I got really weepy standing in the kids clothing department at Wal-Mart trying to find the right thing for this little boy. What started out as an easy task just broke my heart as I thought about this little boy and the fact that he doesn't have a mommy and daddy caring for him. I just wanted to get him some new clothing but the t-shirts stating "Mommy's Angel" and "Daddy's Helper" got me thinking about him and his circumstances. I don't even know this little boy but for me he represents so many children that are without loving families. Children that I've never really thought much about until recently.
This Christmas as we all celebrate surrounded with plenty of gifts and loving families I will be thinking of children around the world who are without so much. Children who desperately need families to care for them.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Just thoughts...
Still here. Asking Him to continue to lead me. Not only in this process but in all aspects of my life. I know I can't do it alone. Brad's still uncertain as to whether or not this is something that we should pursue. So I continue to pray and ask Him to not only continue to tell me what steps I should take but for Brad as well.
Thinking and praying a bit earlier. This song came on and really made me think. Kinda seems like my life right now. I know I'm made for more. What AM I waiting for?
You look around
It's staring back at you
Another wave of doubt
Will it pull you under
You wonder
What if i'm overtaken
What if i never make it
What if no one's there?
Will you hear my prayer?
When you take that first step
Into the unknown
You know that he won't let you go
So what are you waiting for?
What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to alter you
You know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all
It takes in you
You can walk on the water too
So get out
And let your fear fall to the ground
No time to waste
Don't wait
Don't you turn around and miss out
Everything you were made for
I know you're not sure
So you play it safe
Try to run away
If you take that first step
Into the unknown
He won't let you go
(step out)
Even when a storm hits
(step out)
Even when you're broken
(step out)
Even when your heart is telling you telling you to give up
(step out)
When your hope is stolen
(step out)
You can't see where you're going
You don't have to be afraid
So what are you waiting for?
~BRITT NICOLE - Walk On The Water lyrics
Thinking and praying a bit earlier. This song came on and really made me think. Kinda seems like my life right now. I know I'm made for more. What AM I waiting for?
You look around
It's staring back at you
Another wave of doubt
Will it pull you under
You wonder
What if i'm overtaken
What if i never make it
What if no one's there?
Will you hear my prayer?
When you take that first step
Into the unknown
You know that he won't let you go
So what are you waiting for?
What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to alter you
You know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all
It takes in you
You can walk on the water too
So get out
And let your fear fall to the ground
No time to waste
Don't wait
Don't you turn around and miss out
Everything you were made for
I know you're not sure
So you play it safe
Try to run away
If you take that first step
Into the unknown
He won't let you go
(step out)
Even when a storm hits
(step out)
Even when you're broken
(step out)
Even when your heart is telling you telling you to give up
(step out)
When your hope is stolen
(step out)
You can't see where you're going
You don't have to be afraid
So what are you waiting for?
~BRITT NICOLE - Walk On The Water lyrics
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