Yesterday at church we had a Skittles Sunday. At the beginning of the service there are trays handed out with individual packages of Skittles for everyone who wants them. I'm not gonna lie, it's pretty awesome. Our minister shared a parable about 3 boys who all had Skittles and for one reason or another wouldn't share their Skittles with their Dad. Even though Dad was the one who provided them in the first place. Hmmmmm...
The sermon series we are currently doing is "a tenacious generosity". Yesterday's message was that God provides generously for you to be generous to others in need and this entire process leads to God's glory. God wants us to share our Skittles. He doesn't want us to keep them and hoard them for ourselves but he wants us to be generous to others in need!
I started thinking about the Skittles God has given me. One thing that has come to mind with the possible pursuing of this adoption is where we would put another person. We just don't have room!
Yeah, right.
We have room...it's just hard to think about giving up the space we have to cram more in here. We have been incredibly blessed to be in the home that we are in. The hubs built it so we were in for a lot less than we'd have had to pay for it. We've talked about moving recently but in order to get something that we could "afford" after paying off some debt we would be in an awfully small home. So I got to thinking that maybe this house is a big red juicy Skittle. There's no rule that says the kids have to each have their own room. I grew up sharing a room with my little sister and look how normal I am. (Shhhh, no comments if you know me!) Brad didn't share a room but the one he did have held just a twin bed, a dresser, and a sewing machine table. Obviously, they don't have to have tons of room.
I'm not the perfect PTA mom that I thought I would be. But I like to think I'm a pretty cool mom and a fun one. I love my kids to pieces and would go to the ends of the earth for them. God made me to be a Mom and while I'm certain that I could improve I just feel like the desire he gave me for children wasn't an accident. More Skittles.
Adoption can be expensive and while I know that we don't have a huge chunk of change (or really even a small one for that matter) just ready to throw into the process I know that God will provide. 2 Corinthians 9:8 says "And God is able to make every grace overflow to you, so that in every way, always having everything you need, you may excel in every good work." We may not have have everything we think we need but He will provide enough for us. And when He does, His grace will overflow to us so that we can help others. So that we can be generous. So that we can hopefully bring another child into our home.
I've got Skittles...and I wanna share them!
Monday, April 26, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
Talking
I'm a crier. I don't know why, but that's just what I do. Drives my husband absolutely insane. Anytime we try to have a really serious discussion I end up in tears. No matter how hard I try my eyes always well up and I have to apologize for the tears. Lame.
So I'm here to say that the past two evenings Hubby and I discussed adoption. And I didn't cry. Not once. Yeah me!
After his suggestion to "sit and talk about where to adopt from" on Friday I started doing some research. I have thought on and off over the last several months about domestic adoption and while I know that there are kids here that need homes I just feel more led to adopt internationally. Saturday I discussed that a bit with Brad. He posed the question of why we wouldn't just adopt domestically. That perhaps God wants us to take care of our "own" before going elsewhere. My response was that I felt like all children are children of God, that He cares about them all no matter where they are. I tried to voice why I felt international adoption was the route we should take. Not only am a crier, I don't have the ability to put my thoughts into words either. It's really a shame. Especially since it all makes so much sense in this head of mine!
I ran across this quote on a blog today and was so happy to know that someone else was able to put my thoughts into words. "While adoptable children in the US might not have families, they will still get food and care. The children in xxx are dying." You can insert whatever country you want to in that quote. After participating in the 30 Hour Famine with World Vision recently and learning statistics that just break your heart I feel more compelled to adopt internationally. I'm sure that map doesn't include all of the countries with hungry children. In fact, the country and it's 5 million orphans that I have been researching recently isn't even represented. However, I think it makes sense to say that while the US has the foster system in place (even if it is lacking) adoptable children here are at least eating. Ya know?
So Friday night I was looking online at a blog that a good friend had referred me to. While there I clicked on a link, which took me to another link, which ended me up completely immersed in one country and the orphans there. Personally knowing families who have recently adopted from Ethiopia and Rwanda I kind of was leaning towards one of those locations until I stumbled across this one. I've just been praying ever since and asking God for direction. I do feel like I "stumbled" upon this place for a reason. There is so little known about it. Perhaps if we adopt a child from there we can help bring awareness of the orphans and people there in so desperate need of help.
Last night while talking Brad voiced his concerns of "starting over". Our kids are all potty trained. They can make themselves a meal if they need to. They are big! I completely understand where he is coming from. And I have those fears as well. I've talked about it before here. The thing is, my heart feels more like it's the right thing to do then it's the wrong thing. You know?
I know some people know about this blog but for the most part I haven't really shared it much. However, if by chance you are here I would just ask that you pray for us and our family as we wrestle with this decision. Thanks!
So I'm here to say that the past two evenings Hubby and I discussed adoption. And I didn't cry. Not once. Yeah me!
After his suggestion to "sit and talk about where to adopt from" on Friday I started doing some research. I have thought on and off over the last several months about domestic adoption and while I know that there are kids here that need homes I just feel more led to adopt internationally. Saturday I discussed that a bit with Brad. He posed the question of why we wouldn't just adopt domestically. That perhaps God wants us to take care of our "own" before going elsewhere. My response was that I felt like all children are children of God, that He cares about them all no matter where they are. I tried to voice why I felt international adoption was the route we should take. Not only am a crier, I don't have the ability to put my thoughts into words either. It's really a shame. Especially since it all makes so much sense in this head of mine!
I ran across this quote on a blog today and was so happy to know that someone else was able to put my thoughts into words. "While adoptable children in the US might not have families, they will still get food and care. The children in xxx are dying." You can insert whatever country you want to in that quote. After participating in the 30 Hour Famine with World Vision recently and learning statistics that just break your heart I feel more compelled to adopt internationally. I'm sure that map doesn't include all of the countries with hungry children. In fact, the country and it's 5 million orphans that I have been researching recently isn't even represented. However, I think it makes sense to say that while the US has the foster system in place (even if it is lacking) adoptable children here are at least eating. Ya know?
So Friday night I was looking online at a blog that a good friend had referred me to. While there I clicked on a link, which took me to another link, which ended me up completely immersed in one country and the orphans there. Personally knowing families who have recently adopted from Ethiopia and Rwanda I kind of was leaning towards one of those locations until I stumbled across this one. I've just been praying ever since and asking God for direction. I do feel like I "stumbled" upon this place for a reason. There is so little known about it. Perhaps if we adopt a child from there we can help bring awareness of the orphans and people there in so desperate need of help.
Last night while talking Brad voiced his concerns of "starting over". Our kids are all potty trained. They can make themselves a meal if they need to. They are big! I completely understand where he is coming from. And I have those fears as well. I've talked about it before here. The thing is, my heart feels more like it's the right thing to do then it's the wrong thing. You know?
I know some people know about this blog but for the most part I haven't really shared it much. However, if by chance you are here I would just ask that you pray for us and our family as we wrestle with this decision. Thanks!
Friday, April 16, 2010
Still here...again
I have two blog entries that I've been meaning to post. The time just gets away from me and I somehow go days and realize that I still haven't posted. Hate that!
One of my entries deals with dreams. Dreams with babies. Totally random dreams I tell you but I still want to share.
The other entry deals with my last Bible study when I just kinda got another brick thrown at me by God saying HELLO! Why aren't you listening to me? Duh!
Today though I just am posting a super fast entry letting the world know that I'm still here. And that I may possibly be one day closer to officially moving forward.
Maybe.
In texting with my hubby earlier he mentioned wanting to do something fun this evening. I threw out some ideas and then texted "wanna sit and talk about what country you would like to adopt from?". Imagining that I would get some sarcastic remark back I read the response and was a bit shocked. He said, "I don't know. Date Night movie? Visit Memaw? Sit and talk about what country to adopt from?" I mentioned that I was shocked that my idea even made the list and he said, "Even before you sent it".
Even before I sent it? Wait...what? You mean we were both thinking the same thing?
Wow.
Maybe...just maybe...God is working in his heart too.
One of my entries deals with dreams. Dreams with babies. Totally random dreams I tell you but I still want to share.
The other entry deals with my last Bible study when I just kinda got another brick thrown at me by God saying HELLO! Why aren't you listening to me? Duh!
Today though I just am posting a super fast entry letting the world know that I'm still here. And that I may possibly be one day closer to officially moving forward.
Maybe.
In texting with my hubby earlier he mentioned wanting to do something fun this evening. I threw out some ideas and then texted "wanna sit and talk about what country you would like to adopt from?". Imagining that I would get some sarcastic remark back I read the response and was a bit shocked. He said, "I don't know. Date Night movie? Visit Memaw? Sit and talk about what country to adopt from?" I mentioned that I was shocked that my idea even made the list and he said, "Even before you sent it".
Even before I sent it? Wait...what? You mean we were both thinking the same thing?
Wow.
Maybe...just maybe...God is working in his heart too.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Still here
Every day I think "I really need to write in my blog" and then every night I think "I still didn't write in my blog". I've been sick since I got back from Mexico. Literally. I've done 2 rounds of antibiotics, steriods, and a whole slew of over-the-counter gunk to no avail. Thursday I'll have a CT scan of my sinuses to see if we can figure out what's going on in there. Feeling like poo just makes it hard for me to do much more than what HAS to be done around here and honestly I'm doing really good to even accomplish that much. So my little blog has suffered.
However, I'm still here. Still feeling led by the Lord. Still praying that somehow Brad and I will reach the same point someday...whatever that may be.
However, I'm still here. Still feeling led by the Lord. Still praying that somehow Brad and I will reach the same point someday...whatever that may be.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Who needs happy kids?
I've been thinking. Which is generally a dangerous thing for me. But I've been thinking and just trying to take a step back from what I'm feeling. There was some serious discussing going on between me and the hubster. Serious discussing that led to serious tears on my part. Don't freak out too much, it really doesn't take a whole lot to make me cry. I was just frustrated. Frustrated that I can have the feelings that I have and he can have totally different ones.
I don't have any idea what will come from any of this. I try to push it all away and it's still there. I waiver between feeling disabedient to feeling like I can do whatever I want. I pray, pray, and pray some more and end up with even more questions. Questions that I just wonder if I'll ever have answers to. Makes me just want to throw in the towel.
Then I run across a post like this. One that seems to put everything I'm feeling into words. Words that make sense!
Happy kids? Who needs 'em?!
Thanks to my friend for sharing this blogger. I'll definitely be checking her out again.
I don't have any idea what will come from any of this. I try to push it all away and it's still there. I waiver between feeling disabedient to feeling like I can do whatever I want. I pray, pray, and pray some more and end up with even more questions. Questions that I just wonder if I'll ever have answers to. Makes me just want to throw in the towel.
Then I run across a post like this. One that seems to put everything I'm feeling into words. Words that make sense!
Happy kids? Who needs 'em?!
Thanks to my friend for sharing this blogger. I'll definitely be checking her out again.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Fear
I'm home from Mexico. It was an amazing trip. People keep asking me how it was and I just stumble to find the words to explain what I experienced for 8 days. I don't know that I can ever accurately describe it. It is truly something that a person needs to experience on their own to understand.
Today I am weepy. I'm not really sure why. My head just seems to be spinning. I have a list of things to do that is a mile long but my heart just isn't in any of them. I feel now more than ever that I need to DO something. I had this thought to write today about my fear and was led towards that even more after my Bible study this morning. I got on the computer to do just that and then had a change of heart and thought I'd share some about my trip. About how I'm weepy today and I can't stop thinking of everything I experienced while I was gone. Then I clicked on a link that took me to a link that brought me to this. I knew then that I'd talk about my fear.
I hate that I'm afraid. I hate that I can't just trust and obey. I think that might be why I'm so weepy. I loved Mexico but it's nice to be home in my warm comfortable bed and showering in a hot shower with water who's streams cover my whole body instead of just a tiny portion at a time. I dreamed last night that my family bought a new house and in fixing it up I just couldn't stop remembering my current house and how much I loved it. I woke up angry that I felt that way. Angry that I cared so much about a stupid house.
Am I the woman in Katie's blog entry? The one who says I wish I could do this but then just goes back home to my warm shower and king size bed and sits and waits for the next opportunity to serve for a short amount of time. I don't want to be her. I want to be the person who does what He asks. What does that look like for a wife and mother? I truly believe that God wants me to adopt. I also believe that He wants me to do more than that and live missionally. How do I be obedient to Him when that affects so many others? When the "others" aren't feeling the same thing I am? When I'm so scared and full of questions that I'm just weepy?
Today I am weepy. I'm not really sure why. My head just seems to be spinning. I have a list of things to do that is a mile long but my heart just isn't in any of them. I feel now more than ever that I need to DO something. I had this thought to write today about my fear and was led towards that even more after my Bible study this morning. I got on the computer to do just that and then had a change of heart and thought I'd share some about my trip. About how I'm weepy today and I can't stop thinking of everything I experienced while I was gone. Then I clicked on a link that took me to a link that brought me to this. I knew then that I'd talk about my fear.
I hate that I'm afraid. I hate that I can't just trust and obey. I think that might be why I'm so weepy. I loved Mexico but it's nice to be home in my warm comfortable bed and showering in a hot shower with water who's streams cover my whole body instead of just a tiny portion at a time. I dreamed last night that my family bought a new house and in fixing it up I just couldn't stop remembering my current house and how much I loved it. I woke up angry that I felt that way. Angry that I cared so much about a stupid house.
Am I the woman in Katie's blog entry? The one who says I wish I could do this but then just goes back home to my warm shower and king size bed and sits and waits for the next opportunity to serve for a short amount of time. I don't want to be her. I want to be the person who does what He asks. What does that look like for a wife and mother? I truly believe that God wants me to adopt. I also believe that He wants me to do more than that and live missionally. How do I be obedient to Him when that affects so many others? When the "others" aren't feeling the same thing I am? When I'm so scared and full of questions that I'm just weepy?
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Wow
I'm typing this from Mexico. Piedras Angular to be exact. I'm here on my first mission trip, which is why I haven't been very vocal here. It takes a lot for me to plan to be away from my family for 8 days.
Years ago when my pastor would talk about mission work I would feel a tug on my heart. Since then, I have continued to feel that tug and realized that I truly felt God was leading me to mission work. When my church started talking about the trip to Mexico in February 2010 I decided I would go. As it got closer I got more nervous. Like, really nervous. The day before I left I was a basket case. I couldn't stop crying. Everything I thought about made me well up with tears. I wondered what I was thinking getting involved in this. I thought I couldn't possibly be away from my family for this length of time. I imagined that there was absolutely nothing that I could contribute to this trip.
Wow.
I'm amazed at everything that I'm feeling. I've made some great new friends. I've experienced living in a completely different way. I've seen people who are just happy to be serving our Lord. I was trusted to operate a nail gun and other power tools that I don't know how to spell. I spent the morning at a school painting a mural followed by time in an orphanage that I will never forget.
Wow. Just...wow.
Years ago when my pastor would talk about mission work I would feel a tug on my heart. Since then, I have continued to feel that tug and realized that I truly felt God was leading me to mission work. When my church started talking about the trip to Mexico in February 2010 I decided I would go. As it got closer I got more nervous. Like, really nervous. The day before I left I was a basket case. I couldn't stop crying. Everything I thought about made me well up with tears. I wondered what I was thinking getting involved in this. I thought I couldn't possibly be away from my family for this length of time. I imagined that there was absolutely nothing that I could contribute to this trip.
Wow.
I'm amazed at everything that I'm feeling. I've made some great new friends. I've experienced living in a completely different way. I've seen people who are just happy to be serving our Lord. I was trusted to operate a nail gun and other power tools that I don't know how to spell. I spent the morning at a school painting a mural followed by time in an orphanage that I will never forget.
Wow. Just...wow.
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